Boob Tube: The Weaning

As of a few weeks ago, I am no longer a nursing mother. I've heard quite a few woman say that ceasing to breastfeed their sprouts was a source of great sadness and melancholy; they miss the quiet bond, the togetherness. Harvey's daycare provider told me she cried the day her younger son decided he was done.

I'm sad for a different reason — now that I'm not awake for an hour or so every night, I have no idea how to manage all the television shows I've recorded on the old TiFaux. I've lost seven-plus hours of weekly TV that I either have to make up during waking hours (which, no) or just do without. Hence, my own weaning process as I go through the backlog of series recordings. What stays? What goes? I'm saying, it's an issue. And with two female-centric favorites starting back up tomorrow — Nurse Jackie and The United States of Tara — I've got to decide fast. So, on to the list.

Kell on Earth: Stays, obviously. I look forward to this show every week, and it has yet to disappoint. Where else am I going to watch a crazy woman freak out on her employees and then lean across her desk to say, "Let's not be afraid of the abundance we've created"? I mean, apart from going back in time 10 years and hanging out with my old boss?

House: It's become formulaic enough that it's begun mocking its own formula, but I don't care. Stays.




Parenthood: This is a tough one. I like family dramas about quirky people with pressing first-world problems as much as the next thirtysomething white lady (see also: Grey's Anatomy), but so far I'm underwhelmed. The main thing that's kept me watching so far is the fact that it's set in Berkeley and Oakland, so there's sometimes a glimpse of recognizable scenery, like Oscar's in the first episode. That's not really enough. Goes.

Life Unexpected: Same deal as Parenthood, except this one is set in Portland and is supposedly kind of Gilmore Girls-esque. Honestly, I don't remember anything about either episode I watched, so there's my answer.

Shear Genius: Project Runway, but with hair, in case you're unfamiliar with the premise. This is one of those shows that I started watching sometime during the delirium of a multi-month stretch where the kid was waking up to eat an average of twice a night, and I would wake up in the morning never quite sure if I had maybe just hallucinated the whole show. Did the contestants really have to style hair inspired by food? Did someone really just make reference to a cock ring? Why is everyone wearing leather pants? Who watches this? Yeah, it goes.

FlashForward: The first few episodes of this were so gripping that I was totally cool with being awakened twice in one night by a hungry, squalling baby. And then it had some sort of hiatus and I forgot about it and I watched a little bit the other night and one of the Hobbits was murdering Ricky Jay. Clearly, I've missed a lot. So bye, FlashForward; I'll catch up with you later on Netflix.

Modern Family: Stays, especially as I feel that I have much to learn from the parenting stylings of Mitchell and Cameron. I'm not even done relating to the whole Ferberizing episode.













Cougar Town: Surprisingly, stays, although I have convinced myself that I'm watching it "for work" and have yet to write about any aspect of it.

Parks and Recreation, 30 Rock: Usually the highlight of my week, and I'm not even talking about just the TV aspect of my week. I should probably be a lot more embarrassed by this.

Project Runway: Stays. Models of the Runway: Goes.

Grey's Anatomy: Feh. Goes.

The Late Show with Craig Ferguson: Sigh. The problem here is that is just doesn't feel right to watch this show during any time of day that doesn't qualify as wee hours. I haven't been following the whole late-night debacle lately, but I'd be psyched if they put Craig where Jay Leno used to be. I don't think he'll tank. Not with those hand puppets.

Any TLC or A&E show about compulsive hoarders: Should probably go, as it's time to own up to the fact that my guilty pleasure is not any of the shows previously listed. No, my most furtive hours of TV-watching involve people who cannot stop filling their homes with crap, sometimes literally. I decided I'd had enough when one episode of Hoarders featured a woman who watched as a cleanup crew wearing Hazmat gear unearthed one squashed, flat cat after another, and was all, "Huh, how did that get there?" And yet I've continued to record them. Maybe it's aversion therapy: The more I watch people reduced to cooking their dinners in the two square feet not taken up by wads of tinfoil and mountains of empty detergent containers, the more compelled I am to actually recycle my own piles of magazines.



(Not my house.)






Keeping Up With the Kardashians: Wait, really? How did that get there? Now I am embarrassed.

Jellyfish are the new owls

So I've been working on this theory that, in terms of the hot new indie-craft animal mascot, jellyfish are poised to knock owls off their twee little branches. I love owls as much as anyone else raised on Tootsie Pop advertising and "Give a Hoot, Don't Pollute" environmentalism, but there's a saturation point for everything and owls may have reached it.

Anyway, I wanted to be on the early side of what I'm predicting will be a jellyfish explosion, craft-wise. (I just looked on Etsy, and found 44 pages of results for "jellyfish," while "owl" yields 842 pages.) I've been embroidering some baby t-shirts:




I'm not super happy with either, which probably has to do with the fact that the t-shirts themselves were bought secondhand and most of the composition is a result of trying to cover up various mysterious stains. (People whose babies I may be giving these shirts to, please know that they are, in fact, washed and clean. I'm trying to avoid buying new t-shirts from American Apparel for myriad reasons — shady labor practices, sleazy-ass CEO, vomitously sexist advertising, etc.) — but no one else seems to sell blank t-shirts.)

I actually don't think jellyfish will ever outpace the owl as far as craft iconitude, for the same reason the octopus (Etsy page count: 190) won't: jellyfish are fucking terrifying. Have you ever seen one? Even the dead ones I've seen give me the shivers. Even the baby dead ones. And if you've ever read Starring Sally J. Freeman As Herself...well, the Man O' War scene is like the prepubescent girl's Jaws. (Unless you also saw Jaws as a prepubescent girl, in which case you, like me, probably haven't been a fan of oceans since.) That's why these jellyfish are smiling. And, you know, made of thread.

Grandparents!

I finally finished my portrait of Briar's grandparents. How cute are these people? I really hope I did them justice in the portrait.

There really are few things cuter than a.) elderly people who are clearly in love, b.) elderly people wearing jeans or pocket protectors, and c.) elderly people riding bicycles. I couldn't really get bicycles (or jeans, really) into this portrait because I had to be true to the subjects, but lucky me, Briar's grandfather was rocking not one but TWO pocket protectors in the source photo she gave me. Cute squared.

Jeff did some fancy-schmancy selective-focus close-ups. I definitely had the most fun doing the trees, probably because I could chill out, watch my Project Runway, and not worry about whether I was getting the likeness right or putting too much cleavage on Nonna.